Spirituality @Corey

As you may remember, after I broke up with sarah I was feeling like I’d lost too much magic in my life and had burned away anything that wasn’t cold steel rationalism. And that was a big part of why i got involved with the crystal healer. to bring some sprituality and romance and magic back to my worldview and experience of life

Over the last few months though I’ve been super head down writing code and burning fear and rage as fuel to get me through it

Then a couple weeks ago my grandfather died. And like before he did my parents told me to call him so I could say goodbye. So I called his wife and she held the phone up to his ear while I said some nice bs about how much I loved him and appreciated him and stuff, and then I talked to her a little bit

She’s an absolute sweetheart. tbh I kinda love her more than him, he was much more of a gruff asshole. Although I learned at his funeral that he apparently had like a huge philanthropic side that I knew nothing about. But anyway

The point is, in opening myself up like that, going from a really fear/rage driven focus on code writing to a very emotional moment of love and connection, I was able to very tangibly feel this part of my psyche that I’ve been eating around the edges of in meditation recently

You could desribe it as like, “love” or “connection to other people”, but I feel like that’s the blind man who thinks the elephant’s trunk means an elephant is a big snake

There’s some place inside me (and I’m pretty sure everyone else too but obviously idk), that is able to tap in to some thing that feels much bigger and deeper and more powerful than just like interpersonal love

It’s the feeling of thinking back on all the evolution that led to you, all the different ancestors who had to fight to get you here. The great unbroken chain of life that stretches back to the first single celled organisms. Or even of all the energy and matter in the universe going back to the big bang

it is something that cannot really be grasped rationally or expressed in words except as a shadow, because it is something that exists outside the cerebral cortex and the language processing parts of your brains. It’s something you kinda have to just feel

So when you say you want to “take back” the meaning of the word sacred, to be about a rational, secular humanist idea of like, politeness and respect and humility and graciousness… I’m on the opposite side of that

I’m trying to find a deeper spirtualism that is NOT rational, is NOT personal. A sacredness that is bigger than me and isn’t about like, what’s best for me

That’s why I asked about dualism. Because I think it’s really what’s at play here. You’re thinking of sacredness from the perspective of the mind, playing by the mind’s rules within the mind’s framework. But I think to talk about it properly you have to see it from the spirit’s perspective, within that framework

So when you say things like [“that’s why i said the ’emotional timbre’. I think there is something very satisfying (maybe necessary) to the human condition and i want to hijack it without producing the problems that irrationality/metaphysics creates”], it feels like you’re talking about how Yellowstone actually makes the workers who visit it 12% more productive. You want to hijack it without producing the irrational/metaphysical response? But the irrational/metaphysical response is the whole point. To just feel that connection to the greater universe beyond ourselves. That is a good in itself. An absolutely essential good that you can’t feel complete without

I’ve actually really been digging Russell Brand’s instagram recently. He’s promoting a book he wrote about recovering from addiction, and he’s been making basically the Rat Park point (that the opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety, it’s connectedness), but framing it in this way that’s much more about the hole in your spirit that you try to fill with whatever substance

Modern life refuses to acknowledge the existence of the spirit and the need to connect with the universe, and instead subverts that drive and hijacks it on behalf of Sinek-ian Whys controlled by companies and charlatans, and so we all feel empty and alone and purposeless, and we chase a million different substances and escapes to try to fill the void

But they won’t. Because the thing that is missing is spiritual, not material, and we in the Secular Modern community have no ability to understand things on that level